Email from Marianne dated October, 2020
Really nice note from Marianne....
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From: Marianne Parshley <>
Date: Fri, Oct 9, 2020, 2:48 AM
Subject: My thoughts as you requested
To: Carol Langley <>
Have turned this over in my head and heart since talking with you this afternoon, with prayer, and here are some thoughts:
First, my own belief: God has you in his (or her) hands and is present in all things, all places, accompanying each of us, me and you, through this life and into the next, through suffering and joy and anxiety and love and grieving and comfort and uncertainty and peace. If anyone understands what you have been living with and through, it is our brother Jesus. Standing with you, accompanying you in this journey, whether we pay attention or drift off for a bit, is our Lord.
Second, what happens next is your choice. No one can make this decision for you and no one should pressure one way or the other.
Because of my belief in this, I support whatever you choose to do. Don’t worry about disappointing people or choosing something another might not. You have the freedom here. If you have questions, ask. And know that we are here to support you through everything, whichever direction you choose, to help and be present.
Third, I am guessing that clarity of mind is as important to you, if not more important, than complete relief from pain and discomfort, and I am glad that you have made that clear in your paper work. You have the right to refuse meds or procedures or postpone them until you are ready, with this in mind.
Fourth, about nutrition and food: eat for joy and enjoyment (even hot fudge sundaes or California rolls or almond croissants) and choose about the TPN depending on how you feel. If you felt stronger, better, more comfortable, then it’s working.
Fifth, hospice….in my experience, supported by some literature, many people who choose comfort care and hospice experience better quality of life (more peace, more ease, decreased suffering) and sometimes even more time. And if the time is shorter, it is usually easier, more comfortable and filled with the loving presence of family and friends. I have had patients and family stabilize and get discharged from hospice, those who have spent a long time with hospice and of course, those who have only had a short time. I have also had friends and patients who have spent time in inpatient hospice; sometimes they get discharged to home and sometimes not. They and their families have all felt it was a good space to be in and in some ways a sacred space.
Carol, my sister in faith, I have hoped and prayed along with you, through the last years, for a solution to your condition. You have seen triumphant moments of recovery, months of hard work and times of disappointment. I have also worried as time has passed and especially now, about how much suffering you have been and are going through and how very tired you have become. You are an amazing, strong person and have done so much to keep going and get better and have done so much for all those around you.
All I know, all I want, and all who care for you want, is the best possible plan for you, one that meets your needs and wishes, minimizes pain and discomfort, and allows you clarity of mind in the weeks and months to come. For this, I am here and will be here to serve and support you. Let us know tomorrow how we can help.
With God’s grace and blessing, with ongoing prayers and much love,